There is a part of me that really really hopes that someone calls this number and ten minutes later finds themselves standing on Hollywood Boulevard, SHINING WITH MYSTERIOUS FAMOUS PERSON LIGHT.
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NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE
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HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN
I am technically off work right now, and yet my life looks like this: Because somehow, without the structure of a place to go at an appointed time / a lunch break / work til …
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BEARD BABY
I dreamt of a baby with a full beard. Which of course sent me straight to google image search, and the results are just. Equal parts horror and intrigue. They just. I just can’t. But …
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SHOTZ SHOTZ (MOZZARELLA) SHOTZ
Somebody try and stop me from making these genius shot glasses made of fried mozzarella and stuffed full of marina sauce. NO SERIOUSLY PLEASE. SOMEONE TRY AND STOP ME.
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Sexy (?)
Starting my day before Halloween off ROIGHT, down an internet rabbit hole of unfortunate sexy costumes that just — Why? Favorites: Sexy Corn: Sexy Killer Whale: Sexy Politician: OH WAIT NO THAT’S AN ACTUAL PERSON …
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SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH
My Fellow Americans! On this sacred day, 239 years since the thirteen colonies claimed independence from England: LET US CLAIM OUR INDEPENDENCE AT BREAKFAST. Screw you, Kashi cereal and egg white omelette! WHERE DO YOU …
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All of this is real
‘Coochie Shop,’ or ‘Cuchi Shop,’ to perhaps present a hint of class, is an actual song by an actual recording artist that people actually pay for and dance to, with these actual lyrics: I need …
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Today, on HOW is it that I am a company?
Accountant: So I’ve finished your first quarterly review… Me: okay great! So you’ve counted how many quarters I have. I have a lot of quarters. Parking and laundry for DAYZ Y’ALL. Accountant: ….No. Quarterly. Review. …
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GUESTPOST!
Dan sent me this picture from a bathroom in Copenhagen, Bek you should put this on your blog, AND I AM NOTHING IF NOT OBEDIENT. Thanks for lookin’ out, Brostetter!
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you oughta know
Oh hi, come here often? If you are new to my blog, and have pressing life things like ‘work’ and ‘interacting with other humans’ that have prevented you from reading my entire blog history, which …