Every time Morrison and I are standing on any sort of beach (this weekend, Rancho Palos Verdes) this happens. Me: Will you take a picture of me? Go over there and I’ll stand here, and …
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Normal
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Fresh Out
This Thanksgiving / Holiday season, I’ve noted a fun new festive quality in myself: COMPLETE AND UTTER VOID OF PATIENCE TO VIOLENT AND SOBBING DEGREES. While we were at Leatherwood, a mixup with our bank …
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TELL ME MORE
Nice Man at airport restaurant busses my table. Me: Thank you so much! Nice Man: You’re welcome, Beautiful. Literally every other woman: Excuse me, but what does my Beauty have to do with anything? I’m …
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Two Girls, One Forehead
New year, new license! L: 2019; R: 2015. Caption options: Two very slowly aging cabbage patch kids Two women, super gradually figuring out TWO MURDERESSES WHO CAN’T FOR THE LIFE OF THEM SIGN THEIR FREAKING …
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pro marriage trick
Me: I feel like I look like I’ve gained weight, but I haven’t. Morrison:…what? Me: I mean, I haven’t recently. But I LOOK like I have. Morrison: You’re right. Me: What? Morrison: I’ve been looking at …
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WHO’S THAT LADY
STARE INTO THE CAMERA LIKE YOU’VE GOT THE ANSWER TO ALL OF THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS BUT YOU’RE JUST GOING TO CASUALLY KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF NOW GET YOUR HAIR OUTTA YOUR FACE, LADY, USE THAT …
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about face(s)
Actually, I really don’t have any good explanations, except that there are crown stickers on my head because these are from a scrapbook my dear Mom made to commemorate me, but other than that I …
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UNIFORM
VERSATILITY! Can be worn for: playwright at workshop who does not yet understand their play disgruntled cater waiter confronting their forgotten dreams person who ate way too much Ramen last night person in NYC who …
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t’aint always easy
Almost 14 years ago, I carefully glued all of my grad school rejection letters into a scrapbook, and amused myself by highlighting the word ‘regret’ in all of them. I think I sensed that someday, …
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how to remember things
Remember that one time this Summer when both the LA times and the NY times ran articles about The Cake within the span of a week, and it was completely insane and perhaps everything I’ve …