Hold up. I know I’m almost 36, which is old, but also young, so AT WHAT POINT DID MY SKIN GO FROM THE SOFT PEDAL OF A SACRED PEONY, TO THAT OF A FOSSILIZED PREHISTORIC …
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what’s the skinny
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chill hat
Please note that going forward, this hat that I lifted* from an abandoned gift shop of an abandoned western themed amusement shop outside Maggie Valley, NC is my new disguise / go-to / indicator that …
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horrible confession
As I prepare to leave for the airport, for what must be my 90th I STILL WRITE PLAYS! trip to NYC since I moved to LA six years ago, I feel compelled to share with …
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detox tea, or how I met my intestines
I am truly ashamed that I had to learn this the hard way, but turns out, the skinny people on instagram are simply HOLDING the cleansing teas, and probably not actually using them. I tried …
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forget abrowt it
I have spent most of my life ignoring my eyebrows like the two soft, pale Norwegian children’s beards that they naturally are. I spent none time or money ripping them out of my face, or …
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Clutch.
I need a clutch for the Emmy’s, I mean, literally just a small purse to hold that I can put my phone in, that I might Clutch in a picture. I don’t where women find …
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why to marry Morrison
Today, on marrying Morrison is perhaps the best thing I’ve ever done, a scene: I happen upon a spider in the bathroom. I am horrified. ME: SPIDER!!!!! Morrison: where? ME: IN THE BATHROOM!!! Morrison enters …
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why I need a uniform
Sometimes, or, if I’m being honest, ALL OF THE TIME, I spend more time than I should thinking about what I should wear to a thing. I place a lot of value on outside appearances …
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how to drink a unicorn
Today, on AMERICA YOU RIDICULOUS BEAST: for a limited time, at limited locations, Starbucks is now serving UNICORN FRAPPUCINOS. They describe it as “made with a sweet dusting of pink powder, blended into a crème …
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I spy with my little sty
So for weeks there’s been weird stuff going on with my left eye that has finally morphed into a sty monster of sorts. And for all of these weeks, I have been pretty much completely …