1. Wait for a total solar eclipse that is visible from your country to happen, which will occur approximately four times in your lifetime 2.) Find a box, put a pinhole in the back so …
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how to put your head in a box
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HOW TO FIND OUT NEWS
HUGE NEWS! I just found out that Katie Holmes has signed on to star in my movie adaptation of the Secret, which I’ve been working on on and off for quite some time. How, you …
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NORMAN. FREAKING. LEAR.
Yesterday, NORMAN LEAR, I repeat, NORMAN FREAKING LEAR — American icon, hero, creator of television that reflects America back to itself, television that is funny and truthful and bold, SOMEHOW WINDED UP AT MY PLAY. …
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Je Jew!
For my 35th birthday, I gifted myself with a 23 and me kit. Basically you spit into a vial and give the vial to the mailman and a month later they email you and tell …
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forever keepsake
I wrote a Noah’s Ark Cake into my Cake Play because why would you not, and some genius props person made this out of clay: I can’t wait to take it home with me after …
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BEST STAGE DIRECTION EVER
At some point, I decided to stick these words at the end of the The Cake script: END OF PLAY. NOTE: This is the end of the play part of the play. Ideally, upon exiting …
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DIXIE CHICKS FOR PRESIDENT
I love the Dixie Chicks. I am a cliche. I don’t even CARE. These gals got me through high school. They are the very sound an old blue Beretta makes combined with tradition and optimism …
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HEY MRS. PRODUCER
I’M TALKIN TO YOU MRS. Definitely didn’t make Morrison take this picture of me by my credit at all, because I’m a producer now and basically just far too busy and important and self-aware to …
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LEST SHE NEVER FORGET
My bachelorette in Vegas was amazing and ridiculous in every way, involved every thinkable and reproachable bachelorette cliche. IT IS SO LIBERATING TO JUST EMBRACE THE CLICHE BY WHICH I MEAN INFLATABLE PENIS. It was …
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THESE WOMEN.
THE DIXIE CHICKS, or the Pandora station in my brain all the time unless of course it’s December at which point it’s country Christmas, the emotional raw material for 60% of my plays, the soundtrack …