detox tea, or how I met my intestines

I am truly ashamed that I had to learn this the hard way, but turns out, the skinny people on instagram are simply HOLDING the cleansing teas, and probably not actually using them. I tried a detox tea friday night, and what followed, and what continues to follow, is ME GREETING EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER CONSUMED OVER THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE, NOT JUST FOOD BUT ALSO FEELINGS AND IDEAS,  AS THEY EXIT ALL PARTS OF MY BODY. Last night it left me vulnerable, weak,  sobbing at a Huggie’s Newborn commercial. While I’d love to report that I woke up today with a Bikini Body, I mostly woke up today with hot rocks somehow buried deep in my back, and a regret so steeped in self consciousness I might have to do another cleanse just to get rid of it JK NEVER CLEANSE AGAIN

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