That’s right, ladies. The makers of The Bachelor (probably), I’m a Slut and I want to be on TV, and everything bad Ever that is turning little girls into Gold Digging Whores bring you …
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DateAmillionaire.com!
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butter lamb
I do alot of interior monologuing. I have a feeling that you do, too. A lot of my innerspeak is thoughts like: whoa. How STINKING crazy would it be if ( ………… ) happened. And …
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first dates forever
I want to die and come back to life. Why? So I can meet you again for the first time.
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Verbal Toast
I am a writer who enjoys the toast. Thank God someone invented this fine contraption, with which things can be printed ON toast, like: hello, the mouth. Or: For God so Love the World he …
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awesome
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eh.
I am $115,343 in debt and I would like a bubble bath, please. Meet me in the middle. Thank you for caring.
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manback surgery
Before we ever met, there was something happening in your back situation that was Not Good. Not Good things were done to you, as you slept, to fix the Not Good thing. The room went …
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Senatorial Etiquette
Dear the Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, Thank you for looking like this: I would reccomend that you NOT try and seduce the sexy manperson in the airport bathroom who is secretly a cop. I …
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Mars
Fans, have you been feeling a little willy-nilly as of late? Has life been a bit haphazard/impetutuous/utterly BLAH/confusing? Lost your sense of drive, even? Do you find yourself late at night, unsleepable, gnawing on your …
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is my ‘homeboy’