I’m not really big on gore or action sequences, but sometimes when I’m taking Joe on his morning walk, just, say as a meditative exercise, I imagine what I would do if someone ran up to us and tried to steal him from his stroller. The person either leaps from a weird van, or approaches casually with something like, aww, how old is your baby?, then the perp reaches for Joe, and starts to run, and I SCREAM FROM MY SOUL CENTER AND WEILD MY METAL WATER BOTTLE AS A SLEDGEHAMMER, SLAMMING IT INTO THE PERSON’S SKULL, AND IF THAT DOESN’T DO IT, STILL SCREAMING BUT NOW LOUDER, MY TEETH AND MY NAILS BECOME WEAPONS, GNAWING AND SCRATCHING AT ANY VISIBLE FLESH, AND IF THEY TRY AND RUN, I ATTACH MYSELF TO THEIR LEG LIKE A LEAD WEIGHT MADE OF MOTHER, SENDING THE PERSON CRASHING TO THE GROUND ON THEIR SIDE, AT WHICH POINT I CLAW JOE BACK FROM THEIR WEAKENED ARMS AND NEVER PUT HIM DOWN EVER AGAIN, NOT EVEN WHEN HE’S 47 AND MY BONES ARE MADE OF CHEX MIX, BUT I AM NOT INTO ACTION SEQUENCES, OR GORE