All of the blogs and books recommend that you establish a bedtime routine for your kid, that soothes them, winds them down, and lets them know that sleep is coming. Given that we are highly emotional first time parents, ours has some particularly hilarious and tender elements. It of course oftentimes doesn’t go to plan and the schedule’s all off and we end up practically tossing him in his bed, begging him to sleep, but if all goes according to plan, the full routine is pretty epic. To amuse myself I imagine being a fully formed adult, being taken through the same routine. And so, imagine:

It’s the end of a long, hard day of sleeping and eating. One of your two favorite people in the world gently lifts you from your chair, and carries you to your room, where the light is dim and the temperature is ALWAYS 74 degrees and Hawaiian lullabies play from somewhere, soft. So gently, you are placed on a big soft surface, and even more gently, you are undressed. You are then given a head toe sponge bath with just SLIGHTLY warm water by one of your favorite people, while the OTHER favorite person sits just off to the side, holding your hand and telling you how amazing you are, and how very much you are Loved. You are THEN gently slid into very soft pajamas made of breathable instagram ad bamboo fabric, then carefully lifted again into the arms of your Mother (or Father, depending on the night) who basically gives you full access to your own personal Soft Serve Ice Cream machine, for as long as you want. While you eat, your parent gently whispers to you how much better you are than everyone else, and again, how much they loves you. Eventually you drift off on a sea of sugar and milk and narcissism.Without you even realizing it, you are carried to your bed, zipped into a soft sack. You awake just a bit, but then one of your two favorite people then gently strokes the space between your eyes, tells you one last time that you are the most incredible creature that has ever lived, and this is when you fall asleep: with this warm thought in your head, with every single need met, with an unformed frontal cortex that doesn’t quite yet know fear.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY: is this one of life’s greatest tragedies? That life is, in fact, the easiest, most gentle and tender, when we are babies, AND WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW THAT WE ARE?