Since Joe, the only TV I want to watch are reality baking show competitions in which no one gets murdered and there are no dark philosophical questions posed, and all I want to make / bake are giant slabs of hearty breakfast casseroles that we can heat and eat with one hand while feeding Joe with the other. (SEE ABOVE: Cowboy Breakfast Casserole.) And so I REALLY don’t understand why there is not a Casserole Baking Competition for me to consume, so I’ll wish it into being. It’s called CASSEROLL! and contestants roll two giant people-sized dice, one with type casserole, one with featured ingredient, and then they have an hour to make SQUASH MAC N CHEESE! or SWEET ZUCCHINI BUCKLE! or CARROT LASAGNA! Each episode could also have a potluck theme like High School Drama Club Parents’ Supper, or Niece’s graduation slash Coming Out Party, or Funeral. WHY DOES THIS NOT EXIST? I VOLUNTEER MY TIME AS JUDGE. The panel will be comprised of a re-made, socially conscious Paula Deen, Laverne Cox, and Jonathan Van Ness, and myself, but to Netflix viewers, I will be ‘girl who doesn’t say much and isn’t that funny, but is sort of earnest, I guess she came up with the show so they let her be a judge? I think she’s a writer or something?’ UNIVERSE, MAKE IT SO.

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