We are having a baby NEXT WEEK and the feelings are all over the place. To have been on such a long road and to be here just feels surreal. One minute we’re standing in the kitchen smiling at each other like idiots, trying to guess what his nose will look like, the next we’re panicking, convincing ourselves that one or both of us is dying, reminding ourselves of what we learned in our classes, erupting with weird facts about nipples and butts. But one of the most intense things I’ve felt is a sudden extra burst of LOVE FOR MORRISON. It’s not just love, it’s ownership, it’s possessiveness. It’s like I want to crawl inside of him or glue myself to him, I don’t want to share him, I want him all for myself. The feeling, for some reason, is like: he’s going away, and I want to keep him closer, which is funny because by having his kid, I’m basically FURTHER binding us together. I think what’s actually going on is I’M the one going away, I’m the one who’s going to have different priorities, a literal other man. I’m sure this feeling has some biological function, reserved for animals that mate for life, beavers and some penguins and geese. It’s a reminder of the origin of the family, ie, that I am by no means doing this alone. But if I want to spend the next few days in my head, planning a romantic trip that we will take just the two of us post-baby, having dumped the baby somewhere relatively safe, then THAT TOO SERVES A BIOLOGICAL AND SURVIVAL FUNCTION.

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