peace is what I leave with you

Hi, I’m anxious about giving birth and our kid making it safely into this world. WEIRD, I KNOW! Last night I read over some verses about worry and anxiety that my mom emailed, such as:

Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid. (John 14:27.)

And then I sat there, trying to trust God and believe that it would all be okay, I sat there trying to squeeze trust and faith out like Juice. But then I remembered: through this whole trial, I’ve kind of trusted God the entire time, already. Like even in the worst of moments, literally crying on the floor, some part of me knew it would eventually work out. See above: my happy place, an NC Christmas tree farm that we visited last November, days after our third failed IVF transfer. I remember feeling: this is where we are currently at, and isn’t it terrible but also sort of wonderful and fine? Some part of me trusted it would be okay. So really, all I have to do is keep doing what I’ve been doing, which I am fully capable of doing, and you know, BRING A HUMAN INTO THE WORLD, which apparently women have been doing for, you know, some time. SEE Y’ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE, WHAT?!

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