Just popping on here to make fun myself, who wakes up every morning with a to-do list, which is why I oftentimes drop and burn things, I’M WORKING ON IT OKAY? Yesterday I was on the garage floor, doing my workout so I could check THAT off the list, and I spotted our fake Christmas tree on the shelf above the washing machine, branches bulging out of its box, and I thought to myself as I crunched, like I actually thought this: We’re going to get a real tree this year, I need to remember to tell the fake tree that we’re not going to use it this year, and apologize and tell it to not be sad because we’ll use it again next year, and I just added this to my list of things To Do. Empty the dishwasher. Send the email. Talk to the tree.

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