I left This is Us in 2019 because I’d been working in writer’s rooms for six straight years, I was exhausted by the production schedule and I longed to be at home with my feelings and work alone. Four years two kids and a writer’s strike later, I LONG TO BE IN PRODUCTION AND WITH OTHER PEOPLE INSTEAD OF MY FEELINGS. I miss the room. So much. I keep thinking about it. Here’s a short list of specifically what:

• Stepping into someone’s office at lunch to see if they’re okay because they were acting kind of weird this morning, crying with them
• Having a moment with someone in the kitchen over whether to eat the snacks or not eat the snacks
• Having an office with a door that can shut, doing work in that office
• the feeling of needing to re-write an entire episode as a group in time for prep which begins TOMORROW, stepping into your office and shutting the door, feeling the thrill of that clock and knowing that together you can do it
• Turning in work you’re proud of, feeling good, waiting for feedback
• Having someone pop their head in and say, great job, the thrill of that
• processing the latest human tragedy or victory together around the big table
• Fresh Dry Erase markers
• Other people’s birthdays
• looking at pictures of other people’s dogs and kids
• the thrill of an idea that everyone really likes
• Standing on set at 11 PM on a wednesday watching the fake rain fall, knowing that someone sent a beignet truck
• fresh notecards with big ideas on them
• listening to podcasts on the way to work, calling cousins on the way home
• standing on set, watching a scene that was a notecard not too long ago
• helping an actor get a weird part of the scene
• doing my job, receiving the subsequent pat on the head that’s not condescending, it’s just the pure thrill of Doing, of getting to do what I love, and with other people

NOT PICTURED / LISTED, all of the things I found exceptionally hard / difficult / annoying. Right now I just want to long to be Back.