For parents who don’t want to straight up spank their children, but ALSO don’t support full gentle parenting because telling a screaming toddler who’s peeing on your sweater that you ‘understand what they’re going through’ is bullshit, introducing a cutting-edge middle ground: Scream Sometimes! To employ: stay calm, acknowledge your child’s feelings while also maintaining firm boundaries, and then every now and then just SCREAM AT THEM, just REALLY TRULY SCREAM like an Oregon Trail dad or orphanage director, just yell at them that you’re in charge and what they want doesn’t matter because well, you don’t always get what you want, kid, AND THAT IS LIFE. After screaming, breathe a bit. Your kid will be so thrown by this side of you that you’ll find them studying you, curiously, ie no longer screaming themselves. Give a smile or do a weird little dance. Go to your own room to second guess everything. Clear your sore throat. Google did I just do it right and how young is first traumatic memory. Listening through the wall for their sobbing. It’s quiet. Go back to check in. Apologize for screaming. Promise to never scream at them again. Ten minutes later, begin Screaming.