Here’s something they don’t tell you about having kids: if you’re like me and don’t have a Garden of Eden flowing river of breast milk, so you give your baby both breast milk and formula, baby bottles come with different ‘nipple flows’ that dose out the formula in different speeds. They start slow for younger babies, to imitate what it’s actually like to breastfeed, and then the ‘flow’ gets faster as they get older. 1 is zero, 2 is 3, 6 is…fast? And it’s all designed to make a postpartum brain FULLY EXPLODE. Currently there is something AFOOT with our nipple bottles, and their respective flows. Some of our 2s are faster than our 3s, even though the 3 has more holes than the 2. So currently, I have weird little ‘stations’ set up on the kitchen where I’m organizing the different flows into ‘fast and slow,’ creepy sharpie markings in the middle of the night, I mutter to myself, this Fast is Slow. This slow is fast. It’s up to ME to subvert the system and figure out what’s best for my kid. t’s a metaphor for control, for guilt, for getting it wrong, for how the Kid is usually, always, alright. It’s all a scene from something which I volunteer to write, as I’m in fact already writing it.

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