mama’s water

Joe has never been a Mama’s boy, he belongs to each of us equally, if anything it’s Morrison that’s usually making him laugh while I’m frantically getting his lunch ready, googling his snot, finding him longer pants. So the shift to sharing me with his sister hasn’t COMPLETELY rocked his world, as he was never tethered to me in an extreme way, just good hearty normal parent attachment stuff. But of course there’s deep feelings happening that he can’t express, he can feel that I’m less available to him and he’s just not old enough yet to write a monologue or talk to his therapist about it. So instead, he’s obsessed with drinking my Water. I got this new water cup for the hospital and ever since I brought it home it’s been I WANT SOME OF MAMA’S WATER, as if my water is my time, and my handing it to him says I am still yours. Maybe I shouldn’t be sharing a cup with my toddler who goes to pre-school during this apocalyptic cold season? But I’ll take a gnarly head cold for the peace of mind it might give him to know he still has me. I cried the other night putting him to bed because I missed the three of us. He said what’s wrong with mama? And Morrison said, Mom missed you when she went the hospital, and now she’s sad. And Joe said, that’s okay. And he brought his little body over to mine, the body I haven’t been able to lift and hold since December, and let me hold him from my place there on the ground, like he was Mine.

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