Here’s what has happened: approximately yesterday, I was 30 and everyone I had meetings with was 40. I was young and thin and worried, hungover sometimes, clueless mostly. I looked up to the gatekeepers and executives, with their mortgages and wikipedia pages, I felt like I was rightly placed in the grand scheme of things, in terms of knowledge, and power. Today, I am 40 and everyone I have meetings with is suddenly 30, they’re unmarried and hungover and I’m just tired, generally, worried still, while I wait for their permission to step forward into the past, still chasing the same thing, still finding the words for what that thing exactly is.