1. Have a baby
2. Google how to lose baby weight
3. Like, spend a lot of time reading about it
4. eat so many hard boiled eggs
5. Read long articles about leafy greens while eating actual Cake
6. Give up
7. Wait 1.5 years, until when your baby is a toddler and you spend 90% of your day chasing them around and make sure they don’t stab picture frames into their eyes or throw themselves down the gaping holes in the playground structure
8. Find that suddenly, you’ve lost the baby weight, or at least most of it
9. CELEBRATE WITH POTATOES, WINE

******* OR *********

1. Make any sort of attempt to re-create the above picture with your child
2. Congrats, you just burned one million calories and severed your relationship with whoever you asked to take the picture