
Me: Joe! want to try this vegetable?
Joe: Cheese.
Me: Okay, how about this one?
Joe: No thanks. Cheese.
Me: Or THIS one?
Joe:….Cheese.
Me: Okay, um. Strawberry?
Joe: Hmm. Actually, yeah!
Me: Really? Okay, great —
Joe: Wait, no. Cheese.
Me: Okay. How about this Zucchini Bread I spent my Saturday baking for you so that you might actually eat a vegetable?
Joe: Zucchini is technically a fruit.
Me: But it’s GREEN. Will you just try it, please?
[He does.]
Joe:…I don’t mind it.
Me: REALLY? OH GOOD! AM I GOOD MOTHER NOW, WILL YOU LIVE FOREVER NOW, HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND LOVED WITH AN AVERAGE BMI AND LOW CHOLESTEROL?
[He stops eating it.]
Me: Wait, no. What? What’s wrong?
Joe:….If I’m being honest, and I want to always be honest with you, it would be better with Cheese.
Me: …Damnit.
Joe: I see and appreciate your efforts, but just give me the cheese.
Me: I miss when you were / small —
Joe: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!