Me: Joe! want to try this vegetable?

Joe: Cheese.

Me: Okay, how about this one?

Joe: No thanks. Cheese.

Me: Or THIS one?

Joe:….Cheese.

Me: Okay, um. Strawberry?

Joe: Hmm. Actually, yeah!

Me: Really? Okay, great —

Joe: Wait, no. Cheese.

Me: Okay. How about this Zucchini Bread I spent my Saturday baking for you so that you might actually eat a vegetable?

Joe: Zucchini is technically a fruit.

Me: But it’s GREEN. Will you just try it, please?

[He does.]

Joe:…I don’t mind it.

Me: REALLY? OH GOOD! AM I GOOD MOTHER NOW, WILL YOU LIVE FOREVER NOW, HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND LOVED WITH AN AVERAGE BMI AND LOW CHOLESTEROL?

[He stops eating it.]

Me: Wait, no. What? What’s wrong?

Joe:….If I’m being honest, and I want to always be honest with you, it would be better with Cheese.

Me: …Damnit.

Joe: I see and appreciate your efforts, but just give me the cheese.

Me: I miss when you were / small —

Joe: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!