I’ve been workshopping what I might make for a dinner party to celebrate Donald Trump’s last day in office. Or maybe, what I might make him for Dinner. Obviously the guiding color is orange. And Obviously I can’t have a dinner party and also there aren’t enough flaming hot Cheetos in the world to fully execute the menu and also there’s the pandemic. And so instead, I’ll just leave the menu here, in hopes that that the White House chef is one of the 23 people who read my blog every day, gets inspired, and STAYS UP ALL NIGHT PREPARING THIS FEAST.

Signature Cocktail: The Last Four Years: Aperol, Sunny D, Bleach, my Pee, Clementine Liquor

Appetizer: old carrots that have been sort of partially put through a food processor but not really, with shelled pistachios that have no crack in the shell and are therefore completely inedible; discount produce stickers sort of hidden throughout

Main course

A single hot dog with a wet bun dipped in Cheeto Dust

Pumpkin Lasagna that someone who is allergic to pumpkin ate and puked back up

A Wig

Dessert

REMORSE, HUMILIATION, AND RAGE

Vanilla Bean ice cream

seasonal fresh fruits

a single orange highlighter missing its cap

BON APPETIT, DON! BYE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!