Here’s my impression of the News, as of late, but also for the last eight months:

BREAKING BREAKING BIG LIFE CHANGING SHOCKING NEWS! THE GOVERNOR HAS ISSUED A STAY AT HOME ORDER, MEANING YOU MUST STAY AT HOME, ALL CAPS AND SHOUTS. THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE THING HE SAID LAST MONTH, WHICH WAS TO STAY AT HOME. AND THIS IS DEFINITELY AN ESCALATION FROM THE OTHER TIME HE ALSO SAID, STAY AT HOME. AND IT’S VERY DIFFERENT FROM THAT FIRST TIME EIGHT MONTHS AGO WHEN HE WAS LIKE, DON’T GO ANYWHERE. PLEASE IMMEDIATELY ALTER YOUR BEHAVIOR WHICH HAS BEEN THE SAME FOR THE LAST EIGHT MONTHS BY DOING THE EXACT SAME THINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CLICK HERE FOR SHOES