Me, when child was theoretical: I’m not going to infantilize my baby, I’m going to speak to him like an adult. I’ll read Shakespeare and Murakami aloud and we’ll listen to classical music and his first word will be Simultaneously.

Me, some months later, on the ground next to him, after singing Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes 90 times with a voice so high it’s like I sucked down a Party City full of Helium balloons: BOOP.