Like a month ago when I was a different human, I swore to myself that once Joe was born, I would not let this space become solely about babies. I would strike a balance between Baby, and other world things and thoughts. But of course now there is literally nothing else in my head, and also, why police the content of my own blog? There is no one demanding certain content, I don’t have to name drop TMs, I am not getting paid to do this, there are zero expectations, and so baby thoughts, FOREVER. But in case you’re curious about other thoughts: fire bad, pandemic bad, racism bad, Biden good, ….vaccine?
Today’s baby thought: it is unbelievably hard to watch Joe do tummy time. When we were In Theory parents, we sat around agreeing with each other, we will train our kid to self soothe, to care for himself, as Joe laughed at us from my stomach. It’s so hard to actually do. Watching him lie there, struggling to lift his head, unable to help him, fills me with a feeling I will undoubtedly feel a million times for the rest of my life, love and pride and helplessness and grief and loss of control. I want so badly for every second of his life to be easy and wonderful. All he’s doing now is building his core and neck muscles, but later, there will be walking and dentists and bad haircuts and Algebra and essays and fights and lovers and jobs, he will get rejected, he will fail, and I just have to sit there, tortured, and watch, knowing it’s making him stronger. But also: I get to make sure he doesn’t suffocate. Maybe that’s parenting? Watching the learning happen, but then swooping in at the last possible moment, restoring air, so that the learning doesn’t kill them.