Long ago, women squatted in fields and pushed out their babies, cut their own umbilical cords with rocks, shushed and soothed their own babies in the middle of the night through storms or I guess paid other women to do it. But now women get their babies sliced out of them to carefully curated Spotify playlists while the nurses with Apple watches decide whether to have Subway or the Cafeteria for lunch, and there is SNOO. A Snoo is a robot, disguised as Bed, that will shush and rock your baby to sleep, literally mimicking the sounds and movement of the womb. (Snoo is also high on my list of favorite baby things words, all of which make you sound like you’re in a very long adult Dr. Seuss novel, Squee and Boppy and Toddle and have you seen my Tinkle dee? Did we leave it on the table?) Morrison’s cousins gifted us with a Snoo, and like all Best Parents, ie Parents who are not yet Parents, we planned to keep Joe in the Snoo but only turn it on when absolutely necessary. CUT TO MAYBE TEN MINUTES INTO HIS FIRST MELTDOWN, CUT TO US ABSOLUTELY TURNING ON THE SNOO, cut to Joe completely asleep in under ten seconds. YOU WIN THIS TIME, ROBOTS (HEADS UP YOU WILL ALSO BE WINNING EVERY OTHER TIME)

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