The Best of Days

HOW WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY, BEKAH? THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW. If you would just CALM DOWN, I WILL TELL YOU. I had the best day that I’ve had in years. A beach walk, a backyard swim in an adult kiddie pool, flowers from family and friends, FOUR KINDS OF CAKE. I felt calm and loved and like I knew my place in the world, in this moment. Maybe it was so great because Morrison is deeply thoughtful and remembers things that I say once that I don’t even hear myself saying. And he knows how hard it is for me to consciously choose to do nothing, or do the things that I love, untinged with worry about what else I should be doing. Maybe it was also great because the pandemic stripped us of options and reminded us of basic pleasures like ‘EAT CHEESE, SIT IN YARD.’ Maybe the most because I have spent the last series of birthdays heartsick over not being pregnant yet or having just lost a pregnancy, so this year, I already have my wish, who is an Acorn Squash, and maybe him breast-stroke kicking me in the bladder all day yesterday NAMELY after I ate cake was him reminding me that a.) he is my Present and b.) MY BIRTHDAY WILL NEVER FULLY BE ABOUT ME EVER AGAIN, which actually sounds deeply liberating.

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