Today on I LOVE HUMANS, there’s a three Michelin star restaurant in Virginia that’s dressing and staging mannequins at empty tables to make social distance dining ‘less weird.’ I’m sure you saw the headline while scrolling at some point, had a chuckle, but didn’t do a deep dive. Well for you, and ONLY FOR YOU, I have read every existing article on the topic. Worth mentioning:

• The waiters WILL be required to have one-sided conversations with the mannequins.
• The mannequins have been styled and the tables dressed by designers from the local theater (YAY / EMPLOY THEM.)
• “The restaurant has a cheese specialist with a mooing cow cart that speaks in puns and the dining room dress code simply states, “No wet bikinis.”
• The chef, Patrick O’Connell, re: mannequins: “I’ve always had a thing for mannequins. They never complain about anything and you can have lots of fun dressing them up.”
• The chef is the subject of a PBS documentary ‘The Inn at Little Washington’ which I WILL be watching this weekend.
• It is merely a 2 hour and 46 minute drive from Huddleston, Virginia (where my parents live) to Washington, Virginia (where the restaurant lives)
• PARENTS, IF YOU DO NOT TRAVEL TO THIS RESTAURANT AND EXPERIENCE THIS FOR ME, THEN WE ALL MUST ASK OURSELVES, DO YOU LOVE ME? OR ARE YOU MANNEQUINS