The Moment

You would think after years of fertility drama, and all of the time and words I’ve spent bitching about it here, I would be chomping at the bit to make public our joyous news that WE ARE HAVING A LITTLE BOY, DUE 8/28, WHO CURRENTLY LIKES TO PUSH AND AGAINST MY BLADDER AND MAKE ME GAG WHEN I LOOK AT MILK AND I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM. But for a while, a big part of me was wary of sharing, as I didn’t want to Jinx it. Not just sharing it on the internets, but even just saying the words to my co-workers made me anxious. But then I remembered that I don’t actually think the universe works that way. And also: I’ve been longing for this Moment, for so long, to just get to share the joyful news, sans fear.

Yesterday as my finger shook over ‘Share,’ Morrison pointed out rightfully how crazy it all is — that there’s so much pressure on this Moment of sharing the news, when really, THE MOMENT IS THE BABY COMING INTO THE WORLD. THAT IS THE MOMENT. But still, this Moment means something to me. It means yes, joyfully sharing, but also, providing some hope or comfort or relief to anyone who’s still in it. So here we are, inside of this Moment I’ve craved. I’m just going to let myself have it, try not to judge it, let myself be joyful, while also a little bit afraid. I’m just going to be let both be true, and have the Moment.

And so below are each of our Press Releases, First Morrison’s, which I am in love with, because he basically says ‘thank you for leaving me alone,’

And mine, which, also on brand, contains many feelings and capitalized words:

Two years. Two miscarriages. Three failed IVF cycles. 500 needles. 8 thousand prayers. 10 million tears. ONE VERY DETERMINED YOUNG SIR, COMING IN HOT AUGUST 2020, because @mokedding achieved what modern science could not. I share all of this because I want you to know that there’s hope. If you’re in the midst of fertility struggles, and your sister or your co worker or your friend or your friend’s friend got pregnant like Julianne Moore in the first act of Nine Months, which is to say, BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, and meanwhile, you are struggling and beating yourself up and lighting money on fire and losing faith — A.) there is nothing wrong with you, you are not broken and B.) you will be so much stronger on the other side of this, regardless of the outcome. These past few years have taught me so much about letting go of plans, expectations, and control. But the frustration has clarified my beliefs and my priorities. And I’ve learned that if I STFU for two seconds and listen — my faith is actually louder than my anxiety. ENDLESS THANK YOU to all of our family and friends for the prayers and jokes and distractions and support. Thank you, God, and Wine. THANK YOU, WINE. We are still praying that this boy makes it earth side, and we will happily stay in your prayers if you’ll have us. #rainbowbaby #ihadamiscarriage

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