Furniture salesperson: This couch features crypton fabric. You can spill anything on it, and it just beads up, then you wipe it off with a rag! It’s resistant to everything!

Me:….even wine?

Furniture salesperson:Yep! Even wine.

Me: So….I can accidentally spill an entire glass of red wine all over it and it will be totally fine?

Furniture salesperson: Yep!

Me: I’LL TAKE IT! / CALLS APPLE STORE, ASKS IF COMPUTERS AND ALSO PHONES COME IN CRYPTON