Today, on pants: the new thing in Jeans is to purchase and wear them with the ends ripped off of them like you are a giant who saws the ends off her pants so as to better forage for berries, like you are too poor or busy or busy and poor to fix your pants or shop for others, like you are Huck Finn on a river or Laura Ingles Wilder if she went to the Gap. They are completely ridiculous and what’s wrong with America and also pants and also I’m wearing a pair right now and I love them and now I must go see to my squashes but first stop by the general for feed.