Today, on things of little consequence: for months, people have been texting me this little alien face:
Like over and over. To the point where I assigned meaning to it, something like OUT OF THIS WORLD! or YOU’RE WEIRD LIKE FROM ANOTHER PLANET! or LIFE IS STRANGE or THE ALIENS ARE COMING! depending on the context. For months, I never asked the texter what they meant by the little face snug next to confetti and or Santa. Then I met little brostetter Dan’s friend in NYC, Caitie, who is perhaps the coolest girl I have ever met, like she does IT / COMPUTER WORK FOR CHANEL. So when she texted it to me, I decided that this girl, of all people, could shed meaning. This girl knows everything. I asked, and she said they had no idea what I was talking about. WHAT ALIEN FACE? I spent a few minutes fairly certain that I was losing my mind / that I had been selected by said Aliens as the one member of the human race who would guide them to domination, if they just earned my trust, carefully and through emojis. Caitie, being good with the internet, quickly discovered that it just meant I needed to update my Operating System (O.S., apparently) and so for months, people have been sending me all sorts of thumbs up and tiny pieces of pie and ethnic faces and I’ve just been convinced the whole time that Aliens are a thing that people are now using to express emotion. I would like to officially declare that I am old. I would also like to note that I STILL HAVE NOT UPDATED MY OPERATING SYSTEM / THAT SOUNDS HARD.