This is a real thing that I saw on a cooking segment of the Today show this morning: DELTA PILLOWCASE TURKEY, in which you wrap a turkey in a pillowcase and then dump a bottle of red wine all over it, and then bake it.

IS IT NOT THE MOST WONDERFUL AND HORRIBLE THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD? It’s as if Martha Stewart says it’s no bigs she can handle Thanksgiving by herself this year because she’s Martha Stewart, and no sure it’s okay bring the whole family it’s no big deal that the guest list is up to 80 and sure New York Times no problem you can also come and take pictures and no I haven’t been up crying all night and no I do not feel alone I feel great and OH GOD I FORGOT TO PUT THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN QUICK WRAP IT IN THE PILLOWCASE HAHAHAHHAHA WHERES THE WINE

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