Apparently the Carolina Panthers are doing really well and advancing in the sportsthing and so now I care about sports. I remember very vividly when the Panthers came to be, I think I was in middle school, and all of the sudden, all of the boys had blue and black starter jackets and I thought, what wonderful, complimentary colors. Saturday, they play the Seattle Seahawks, who sportsfriends tells me are arrogant and mean and we hate them? I’m going to watch the game with my buddy Chris who is the most RABID AND ANGRY AND INTENSE SPORTSFAN I EVER MET, who is also a Seahawks fan. In preparation, I am compiling a list of smack talk items to utilize between shoving chips in my mouth:
– YOU SUCK SEAHAWKS!
– YOU’RE GOING DOWN!
– NOT TOUCHDOWN!
– WE’RE GONNA FRY YOU AND DIP YOU IN RANCH, FOOLS!
– YOUR MAMA WENT TO GET A BURGER FROM WENDY’S AND HER SKATES WENT FLAT!
– YOU’RE BIRDS! WE’RE PANTHERS! PANTHERS ARE A LOT BIGGER THAN BIRDS AND I MEAN COME ON WE HAVE FANGS!
– WE’RE GONNA TAKE THE BALL FROM YOU AND TAKE IT TO THE OTHER PLACE!