Behold, my cousin Elli! We stand together in solidarity as Cousins of a Certain Age who remain unhitched, unmotherhooded, focused on our careers instead (or: this is at least what we tell ourselves.) Elli became an FBI agent last year (I REPEAT, ELLI BECAME AN FBI AGENT LAST YEAR LIKE SHE HAS A BADGE, I SAW IT) and  took a job in Miami in a department that deals with various types of child protection. It’s a disheartening job but somebody’s gotta do it. After years as a social worker in DC, removing kids from unsafe homes, Elli is totally that body. The reality of her new job didn’t fully sink in for me until last night, when Elli grabbed her purse so we could go to Food Lion and discuss boys and peruse boxed wine. As I rambled to her about something like TV or cheezits, Elli REACHED FOR HER GUN, checked to make sure it was loaded, and stuck it in her purse like it was tissues. It was then that I realized that Elli, dear sweet hilarious most beautiful Elli, is an agent for the Federal Bureau of Investigations. She is Jennifer Garner with a Glock in her kate spade bag, nails done, jeans like whatever, heading out for groceries but also ready for ANYTHING. I felt at once safe, proud and thrown, but mostly just very, very proud.