ELIZABETH CASTORIA, AVERT YOUR EYES!

HAVE YOU AVERTED THEM?

OKAY.

Last night I dreamt of honey baked ham, like that was my dream, just basically ham, which sent me straight to the internet to see if I might find one for Easter Sunday.

Basically:

Me: Honey Baked Ham Los Angeles.

Internet: What?

Me: ….Honey Baked Ham Los Angeles?

Internet: Your search yields no results.

Me: ….Ham?

Internet: No.

Me: PLEASE?

Internet: YOU’RE FAT.

Me: What? No —

Internet: OKAY HERE’S AN AD FOR A GYM