Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Dear – Diary?
I brought in a new play to play group last night that did not go well At. All. So mad at myself. I’m sure it wasn’t as terrible as I think it was, but pretty stinking bad. Just no good. I think it was a combo of being burnt out, not specifying the people / place in the play, and kind of forgetting to humanize things. I did in my mind, but it didn’t make it into the play. Also it’s a play about something that’s supposed to be awful and bad, and I was trying to come at it from a different angle. But I think I forgot. You know, to come at it from a different angle.
So – I think I also realized last night that I do not deal with failure well. And by ‘do not deal with failure well’ I think I mean ‘do not deal with failure at all.’ If I do something that is not really great, I tend to mercilessly flog myself about it until I manage to do something better. I think it’s fear of public humiliation and failure which motivates me, but at a certain point, I gotta cut a girl some slack, and WELCOME failure ……orrrrrrr spend the rest of my life flogging myself intermittenly. Which does not sound fun. Or productive.