I wrote this  for Flux Theatre ensemble’s evening of short plays to promote their production of Pretty Theft by Adam Szymkowicz. It was the kind of situation where for days and days I could not get the words ‘Old People, Making Out’ out of my head so I figure I’d better write a play about it. While at the jazz bar in London, there was this group of old (okay, elder / older) people dressed like they were 30, audaciously hitting on each other, having the time of their lives, and I couldn’t keep my eyes and ears off of it. Like, they caught me starring.

Two old ladies, dressed fancy, at bar:

GRACE
I’m drunk.

LYDIA
Already?

GRACE
Or maybe I’m tired.
What am I wearing?

LYDIA
A top.

GRACE
A ‘top’?

LYDIA
Yes! A sequined top!

GRACE
I look ridiculous.

LYDIA
(adjusting her posture, her breasts.)
You look delicious.

GRACE
I got boobs like runny pudding. I got hair like an old rug.

LYDIA
You’re MAGNIFICENT.

GRACE
What are you wearing?

LYDIA
A v neck.

GRACE
I can see your nipple a little bit.

LYDIA
Can not.