Hood River, Oregon


I want to go here, so bad, and apparently, so does my new play Celebrity, which at this point in time is still very much so a toddler of an idea. (It’s cute and annoying and Gets into Things its not supposed to. It must be kicked and cooed into submission.)

So an obsessive googlethon led me to land on this Place as the Place for Celebrity, because I wanted to go somewhere, at least in my mind. Lately, I have the travel bug, SO BAD. Worse than ever. I want to go somewhere. Anywhere. Just somewhere I’ve never been. Hood River boasts some of the tastiest apples and pears and cherries around, and is the wind surfing capital of the country. Also, it’s rustic website boasts, ‘ Come taste our Juicy Fruit.’ Heh.

I think I just need to talk this one out. Please feel free to question what I am ‘smoking.’

So in Hood River, in my mind, this Celebrity (named either Tiffany Tears or Hosanna Faucet) has decided she doesn’t want to be a celebrity anymore. She has lost her shiz and walked to Oregon to home of Jason, who she believes to be her biggest fan. He, of course, is a local celebrity as of late for his infamous (LEAVE TIFFANY ALONE! blog thing.) Tiffany arrives just as Jason is about to high-tale it LA.Tiffany tries to seek refuse in this small town and embrace a real life away from voyuerism and the ‘Razzo’ if you will – but her manager/lover, and the cameras, of course, catch up with her. Convinced that she will never know privacy ever again, Tiffany decides to tell the whole world where they can Stick it by Televising her own suicide. Will Jason let her go through with it? And also, there is a fairy who is sort of a Gossip Journalist, and there is also a little girl who’s been up all night reading the bible, and there’s also a bunch of camera men that are weird fixtures of the set, and uh, and there is also some native american folk lore. Okay? Okay.

I write plays. For my next trick, as the wise Michael Weller said to me, I will keep my eyes forward, and not sideways, and write the next great american faux-celebrity-docu-drama. With fairies.  I’m goin to Broadway, ya’ll.

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