Re: my pain threshold:

Doctor: so what’s your pain, on a scale of 1 to 10?

Me: okay do you mean like, for me specifically? It’s pain and I don’t want it. So, a Twelve?

Chiropractor: okay, but in terms of the vast amount of pain that a human being can experience, in general, stubbed toe to child birth —

Me: 900.

Acupuncturist: okay, but in comparison to being set on literal fire —

Me: (sobbing) EIGHTY HUNDRED MILLION THOUSAND LITERALLY.