The other night, Mo and I woke up at 4 AM to the sound of someone sawing his catalytic converter off his car, and then peeling off into the night. (Please note that I JUST learned how to spell catalytic converter, and what it does, and that I still have to look at the little arrow thing next to my gas tank to remember which side of the gas tank to pull up to, and that on a daily basis I fulfill EVERY stereotype about women and cars.) Apparently catalytic converters (at this point I’m just showing off) are easy to steal so their theft is incredibly common and even more annoying. Before Morrison could reach for ANY of his medieval weapons, the perps were gone. To take back some sense of control, we’ve been brainstorming what we might do if someone came back AGAIN. I’ll leave these veiled threats here in case the asshole who robbed us also likes to read low-traffic mom theater blogs? ASSHOLE, BEWARE.

• put a stink bomb underneath the car that explodes on the person (mine)
• write F**K YOU on the catalytic device, sending a clear message, but accomplishing nothing (mine)
• put a paint bomb underneath the car that explodes on the person that explodes on their face so that they’re marked with their sin and can’t wash it off (also mine)
• acquire both pepper spray guns and paint ball guns, first shoot the get away car with lime green paint balls (the worst color) so that the getaway car freaks out and drives off, and is easy to track down because of the paint spots, then shoot pepper spray bullets at the robber so they can’t run away, only cry, until the cops come (Morrison)
• procure a HARPOON GUN that releases a giant net around the robber like they’re some sort of sea monster (Morrison’s idea; THE BEST)