These are shoes now, that are sold in stores, that people buy with money that they work hard for, that they put on their feet and walk around in, in public, around other people whose opinions they care about. You might say that when I was young and cool, people were wearing equally stupid shoes and women in their 40s were laughing at them, but no, no, it was never like this, it was never this bad, we are spiraling, soon shoes will be butts, faces, books.