buy now, think later

I don’t like money as much as I should. When I receive a big check for writing something, or even just regular, guild standard compensation, I know I should feel grateful and like I earned it, but I always get this queasy, disassociated feeling like I don’t deserve it or it’s not real and it’s going to go away. There’s probably something about this feeling that’s weirdly healthy? But I find it’s eased by putting money into things we can live inside of (house) or experiences (trips). All of this to say, we WILL be spending a mildly absurd amount of money to go to Hawaii later this year, Joe’s pandemic-delayed babymoon but he gets to come With, because you only live once, money is paper, I need the sunsets and macadamia nuts crushed over the shaved ice, I want Joe to see as much of the world as possible, and I guess it’s true, however hard to accept, that I work hard, and deserve all of the bounty and blessings that I hold carefully in my hands, worried it all might Melt.

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