I’m turning 40 TOMORROW so last night Mackenzie took me out for one last night hurrah in Hollyweird. Here is a comprehensive list of the things I actually said and did during the course of the evening that confirm WITHOUT A DOUBT that it’s not a ruse or alternate universe or time loop, I AM DEFINITELY 40.

• I had to OD on Tylenol for the ride to the Clerb because prolonged sitting hurts my sciatic nerve
• I CONSIDERED bringing my lumbar support pillow
• In my Lyft, my driver and I discussed property values and school districts.
• At a rooftop bar, I clocked that no one seemed to have a coat, and worried that we would all get Cold once the sun went down
• At the same rooftop bar, when trying to read the cocktail menu on my phone, I couldn’t get the ACCEPT COOKIES pop up to go away so I just gave up and said WINE
• At the same bar, when the bartender gave us our check I said to her quite earnestly, thank you for your attentiveness.
• Walking to the next bar I tripped and nearly face-planted, NOT because of my heels, but because my sensible slides caught on the flat and normal pavement
• At the next bar I sat looking at all of the outfits and actually said out loud, LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ALL ARE
• I ordered my watermelon tequila cocktail ‘without the spicy rim’
• I asked the bartender for a glass of water and then said keep ’em coming, of WATER
• I wondered where everyone’s Mothers were, and how they were doing
• I tried to take a picture of Mack and I, but couldn’t figure out how to turn the flash off, resulting in this picture: