If you’re wondering how exactly I’ve been spending my time since Joe was born — and these are not estimates, but rather, exact calculations — it’s 7% child rearing, logistics, child rearing logistics, working, sleeping and eating, and 92% wanting a glass of water, looking for my glass of water, realizing I left my glass of water in the other room, spotting my glass of water from across the room but being unable to get up to get it, accusing Morrison of taking my glass of water, realizing I’m drinking Morrison’s water, planning where Joe and I will next be and trying to remember to leave my glass of water there, loading the 17 half-drunk glasses of water into the dishwasher, wondering if I’m drinking enough water, remembering how easy it used to be for me to just get up and get a glass of water, googling how much much water humans are actually comprised of but never retaining the number (it’s 60%), and LESS THAN ONE PERCENT ACTUALLY DRINKING WATER.

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