Today, on feelings I did not anticipate: I have a crush on my son. Like before bed I lie awake looking at pictures of him, he gives me butterflies, I miss him when he’s in the other room, I wonder what he thinks of me, I dream of his Nose, he is the Boy of my dreams. But yesterday, on one of our Dates (read: I’m feeding him) he had his first blowout, shit all over my lap, all over the nice dress I’d put on for him. After we’d fixed this and I tried to return to Romance (read: burping him) he pulled his head out of my hands, for real STOOD UP in my lap on one leg, burped in my face like a monster, declaring his independence, then screamed for more Food. I think the Boy, three weeks old, is now a Man, or has begun his slow becoming of one, which only makes me love him more, as he grows up and up, and Away.

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