Beaver County, Oklahoma. The owner of a beautiful cattle ranch drives me around, showing me the ropes, literally ropes and prairie dogs and fences and SO MANY BEAUTIFUL COWS. We come upon the first part of the herd. They are gentle and almost sleepy looking and approach us, curiously.

Owner: so yeah! All of the cows are about three months pregnant.

Me:….what?

Owner: this is a breeding ranch!

Me: So….all of those cows are pregnant.

Owner: that’s right!

Me: AM I PREGNANT?

Owner: I don’t know, are you?

Me: AM I COW?

Owner: I don’t…..

Me: *LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY / RUNS INTO AND BECOMES COW*