Suffering Noisily

Yesterday, I had another surgery that’s hopefully getting us one step closer to having a tiny person running around our house demanding to know where Poop comes from. It was the longest I’d ever been under anesthesia, and surely the gnarliest procedure I’ve had, and there was pain, AND I NEEDED EVERYONE AROUND ME TO KNOW IT. I’m not a person who suffers pain silently.  If I’m in pain, I feel like, what’s the point of the my pain if everyone within a 5 mile radius or at the very least my 2,000 instagram followers doesn’t know that it’s happening? It’s definitely weakness of character, or what Morrison calls ‘fortitude,’ ie, if my life were a game of Dungeons and Dragons I would be dead from a skinned knee before my adventure boat even left the castle (?). It’s also a little bit of narcissism, but like, a regular human amount. But maybe also it’s wanting to Share. Whenever I’m feeling anything intense, I don’t go In, I go Out. I don’t want just sympathy, I want Connection. All of this to say, when I reach the end of this road paved with white hospital bracelets, and a baby is exiting my body, please know that I will be Sharing my pain with anyone who can hear me. THE ENTIRE WORLD WILL KNOW.

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