It’s the last day of my 36th year on earth, and it is time for grand changes to announce the passage of time to myself, and so sadly, inevitably, IT IS FINALLY TIME TO THROW AWAY THIS SPORTS BRA I GOT AT A GOODWILL IN CHAPEL HILL, NC IN 2003.

IN MY DEFENSE, AT THE TIME, IT WAS NEW. But over the years it has stretched to the size of a shirt,  lost all its elasticity and is about as supportive as the parents of a kid who says he wants to ‘make memes for a living’ (#SPORTSBRAJOKE / WHERE IS MAMRIE HART WHEN YOU NEED HER?)  I can’t tell you how many times over the last SIXTEEN YEARS I have pulled it out of the drawer and thought, is this the day? Are you the day? Is this over, bra? Suddenly, it is now. Why? Growth and change and SHAME / MOSTLY IT IS SHAME