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- Start worrying about 4 PM about how you didn’t sleep enough last night and so tonight you really must sleep
- Focus on how tired you are and convince yourself that surely, this means that tonight, YOU WILL SLEEP
- Have a few glasses of wine to definitely ensure definite amounts of (not real but the appearances of real) sleep
- Have a cup of Herbal Detox tea right before bed to trick your body into thinking you DIDN’T just drink wine to make yourself sleep
- Go to Bed
- LIE AWAKE IN BED FOR HOURS, YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS TIRED OR MORE AWAKE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
- Sleep for five minutes
- Spiral all the next day, contemplate your sleep problems while sleep-working
- casually Look at tea
- REALIZE THAT TEA HAS CAFFEINE, YOU IDIOT
- MAYBE A TEENY TINY AMOUNT BUT STILL
- RESOLVE TO NOT DRINK CAFFEINE RIGHT BEFORE BED
- SLEEP
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