- The last time you purchased new jeans was 3 years ago
- Since then you have quit smoking and slowly, elegantly if not effortlessly, gained fifteen pounds
- and yet you still shove yourself into the old jeans, which definitely no longer fit, creating a cloud of nihilistic self loathing through which you can no longer even feel the INCREDIBLE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT OF HAVING QUIT SMOKING
- no literally you shove yourself into them so much that at the end of the day you don’t so much take them off, as you EMERGE FROM THEM
- hey maybe get yourself some new jeans
- (meet my new jeans)
