who I actually Am

Lately, especially in the last few years, I’ve been engaged in a fair amount of Fanciness, and so I want to make sure it’s clear to my readers who I actually Am: I am not a woman with many purses. I just have Purse. Purse goes with me everywhere except for the rare occasion in which I need a smaller purse, in which case, I use Small Purse. As for Purse, it is covered in stains from when my water bottle spills inside of it, which happens approximately once a week. At the bottom of Purse, you’ll find a generous handful of almonds that have been crushed over time by the weight of water bottle and computer and script. Handful of crushed Almonds have been known to stay there for up to six months, as Purse only gets cleaned when it gets so bad inside that when I reach inside to get Computer and I pull out a wet handful of receipts dusted with old crushed nuts. Only then do I empty it all out, begin all over again. And that, dear readers, is Myself.

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